just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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