I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
