Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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