You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
