I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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