So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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