Someone shit on the floor
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
