I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
