I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
