Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
