went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
