Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
