Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
