I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
