I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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