when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
