i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
