just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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