i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She announced her abortion via fbk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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