God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
