how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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