I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
