So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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