I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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