I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
