I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
