She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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