So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
