i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Houston, we have a blender
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
