She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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