we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
