i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
