I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
