Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
