hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
