I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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