My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im part way to drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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