i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
