What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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