uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
