ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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