she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
