ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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