Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
