that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
