he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
