You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
