my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
