Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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