soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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