i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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