I got chris browned last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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